Past Imperfect

Mom is isolating. I've asked every day to visit daddy. Every day, mom says it isn't a good day. I don't want to upset her already - well, upset. Finally today (yesterday now) she said I needed to wait until he got stronger. I flat out told her he wasn't going to get stronger. So she said SHE needed to get stronger. It's clear I upset her even more. But at this point I think everyone and everything upset her. Sometimes I think she brought him home to die. I believe that's actually going to happen, I just don't think SHE realizes it. Or maybe she does. She's said for a long time they're ready to go. She said it more often when covid hit. Hell. I don't know. xora

My brother and I haven't spoken in a long time, for reasons. It's another blog post. But after me reaching out to him many times, I received this little gem: xora

I want to talk about what's going on with D and myself.  D has been in senior living c suites for years. Since 2018, he's had different people want him to start a management company. He's put in untold hours, days, weeks, months, and has been screwed (for lack of a better word) every time. He took the job in Salt Lake City, only to have the rug pulled out from under him. We've managed to squeak by with savings and with the help of family and framily. One thing after another - illness, cars dying, family dying, kids in college, and now my dad. In this blog I haven't even yet touched on the thin thread that is my relationship with my own mother that's about to break. The only thing I know, that I'm beyond grateful for, is my relationship with D. All these things would break up a relationship - hell, any one of these things would. But we are stronger and more committed than ever. It's almost magical. When I have a bad day, he's the tough one. Calm washe...

I'll post video and photos from when Dad's disease hadn't yet progressed this far.  He was having hallucinations last year, but he was aware they were hallucinations.  One of his recurring hallucinations is of me. He always sees me near him. xora

Today marks a week since Mom took Dad home. I called Monday morning. She was exasperated. She said she couldn\"t take care of him by herself. She said she couldn\"t be in the phone, the computer, or even be in another room without him getting upset. So she couldn\"t do any research on finding care either in-home or in another living situation. ------------------- D, who\"s been in senior living for many years, explained to her while he was hospitalized that if he had a 3 night hospital stay, Medicare would pay for 20 days in a rehab/skilled nursing facility, giving her time to make decisions. Despite us trying to make that clear, Mom was convinced she only had 3 days to make a decision to place him somewhere. She thought the nurses and the hospitalist wanted him out in 3 days. We took her home one day for her to try to get some sleep (she stays with him at the hospital whenever he\"s there). We\"d been home maybe 20 minutes when the nurse called asking whe...

Here we are. I've decided to journal what we're going through now and how we got here. Presently, my dad (79) was diagnosed with dementia 2 or so years ago, and it's recently been pinpointed as Lewy Body Dementia. My mom (76) has always had mental health issues, but no one dares to talk to her about it. It's gotten to the point we suspect she has some dementia as well. Additionally, she's legally blind (macular degeneration) and has been for over 20 years. Jimmy (my son), D (my partner) and I moved to a home down the street from them in 2015 in part to try to help out. But their stubbornness and pride kept them from letting us help most of the time. Cut to 2020. D was offered a job in Salt Lake City. My mom encouraged us to go, and really, financially we needed to. In November, we lost D's dad who also suffered from dementia and Parkinsons. Thankfully he passed rather quickly but of course we were devastated. Because of covid, we couldn't go to the funeral a...